I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
