If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
