The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
