She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Randomize
