What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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