if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
