God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
