We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
