It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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