The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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