i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
