Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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