i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
