Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
