apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
