You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
