I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
