she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
