my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
