I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
