Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
