Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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