there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
