apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
