Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
