don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
