well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
