HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
