Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
