I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
