it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
