alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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