we have pet lesbian snakes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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