Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
