Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He passed out mid-signature
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
