And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
