Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
