Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
