He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
