So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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