I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
