PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
