Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
NoShamevember. You game?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
