There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
