Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
