What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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