Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
