i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
