i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
