youre lurking in front of me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
