someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
