forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
3pm strippers are depressing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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