she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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