Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
