We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just pee around me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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